Snooki Wrote That Op-Ed

With all the educated guesses made by political pundits and Omarosa as to who wrote the anonymous Op-Ed published in the New York Times on September 5, 2018, the most obvious writer is hiding in plain sight.

Who else in recent American history has demonstrated a clear gift for writing completely anonymous letters that actually aren’t anonymous at all?

That’s right: Snooki.

Snooki, after all, has done this sort of thing before. In Season 2 of The Jersey Shore, she co-wrote an infamous “anonymous letter” to her roommate Sammi Sweetheart about Sammi’s then-boyfriend Ron’s conduct in the nightclubs on the Shore.

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Like Snooki, the NYT op-ed points out that absolute chaos is taking place within the White House; Trump is mentally unfit for the presidency, and unelected senior administrators have taken the reigns.

Sure sounds a lot like The Jersey Shore to me.

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The Jersey Shore and Donald Trump have more in common than you might think. The cast of the Shore and Trump both share a love for orange spray tans and infidelity. Both have managed to tarnish America’s global reputation. In fact, the only real thing separating The Jersey Shore from Trump’s White House is that, unlike most cast members on The Jersey Shore, no guilty party in the White House has actually been arrested yet.

Still not convinced? Read these almost identical excerpts from the NYT op-ed and the anonymous letter that was sent to Sammi and decide for yourself:

“The root of the problem is the president’s amorality. Anyone who works with him knows he is not moored to any discernible first principles that guide his decision making.”

SAM, THE FIRST NIGHT AT BED WHEN YOU LEFT, RON MADE OUT WITH 2 GIRLS AND PUT HIS HEAD BETWEEN A COCKTAIL WAITRESS’S BREASTS.

“Meetings with him veer off topic and off the rails, he engages in repetitive rants, and his impulsiveness results in half-baked, ill-informed and occasionally reckless decisions that have to be walked back.”

ALSO WAS GRINDING WITH MULTIPLE … WOMEN.

“In public and in private, President Trump shows a preference for autocrats and dictators, such as President Vladimir Putin of Russia and North Korea’s leader, Kim Jong-un, and displays little genuine appreciation for the ties that bind us to allied, like-minded nations.”

WHEN YOU LEFT CRYING AT KLUTCH, RON WAS HOLDING HANDS AND DANCING WITH A FEMALE AND TOOK DOWN HER NUMBER.

“The dilemma — which he does not fully grasp — is that many of the senior officials in his own administration are working diligently from within to frustrate parts of his agenda and his worst inclinations. I would know. I am one of them.”

MULTIPLE PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE KNOW…

“It may be cold comfort in this chaotic era, but Americans should know that there are adults in the room. We fully recognize what is happening. And we are trying to do what’s right even when Donald Trump won’t.”

THEREFORE YOU SHOULD KNOW THE TRUTH.

Lucia Whalen is a writer and comedian based in Chicago.

Lucia Whalen

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